Brandilyn Tebo - Is Perfectionism Killing You?

July 4, 2017

Brandilyn Tebo is an acclaimed transformational coach, writer and speaker. Once a type-A perfectionist who struggled with anorexia, she knows firsthand how destructive attachment to external validation can be. Through years of inner work and deep meditation, coach trainings, and the study of eastern and western transformational philosophies, she learned how amazing life can be once you let go of fear, limiting beliefs and false identification with achievements. She has traveled the world to teach empowering workshops in high schools, prisons, Fortune 500 companies and colleges. Today, she coaches clients on how to remove internal barriers to following their hearts and be the fullest expression of themselves!

There are many reasons why we do the things we do. Perhaps we’re in a job that we don’t actually feel passionate about, but we excel at and are validated day-in, day-out. This validation fuels our perception of ourselves. We feel needed, important; perhaps, even loved because of the things that we do. But, the question is: are we making decisions from a place of our insecurities or are we motivated from a place of passion and inspiration?

Today’s guest, Brandilyn Tebo began as a model who found herself chasing the validation of others to the point she was not even present in life. She decided to take a turn, find help for the damage she caused her body and mind, and became a transformational coach. Tune-in as she shares about her journey and how she encourages her clients to find their “should” and live and breathe from a place of inspiration.

  • Today’s episode guest is Brandilyn Tebo
  • Brandilyn is a transformational coach and she hosts workshops and retreats
  • Brandilyn is also writer and is in the process of writing a journal
  • Brandilyn approaches transformation in different ways
  • Prior to being a transformational coach, Brandilyn was constantly doing things just to feel better about herself
    • It manifested on Brandilyn’s previous job as a model where she became anorexic
    • One day, Brandilyn realized that she wasn’t present in life and was only thinking of other people’s perception of her
    • Brandilyn had therapy for her eating disorder and her therapist encouraged her to explore spirituality
  • Brandilyn started coaching to share what she’s learned and wanted to help in changing people’s lives; she was doing it for free for a while
    • Brandilyn realized that coaching and transforming lives was what she wanted to do
    • Brandilyn left the corporate world to become an entrepreneur
    • Brandilyn developed her program and workshops and started coaching online
  • Brandilyn was at a point where she doesn’t want to go back to school because she was an overachiever
  • Brandilyn’s mission is to help people find their “should”
  • Brandilyn now has a client who’s doing something because of the validation she gets from it
    • The client is doing really good at her job
    • The client’s dream is actually to make a difference in someone’s life
    • The client turned down her promotion, quit her job and went to just trusting what she really wanted
    • What’s in front of us now constrains us from what we really want
    • Brandilyn told her client that her understanding of herself will change drastically if she turns down the promotion
    • Brandilyn and her client talked about the possibilities for her client now that she quit her job
    • In just 4 days, the client received an offer of a job that she really wanted
  • Don’t be afraid if your coach tells you to quit your job
  • We are scared to admit that we’re afraid of letting go of something that is our sense of security
    • When we’re attached to what we think we’re supposed to be or do; we think that if we let go of that, we lose love
    • The fear keeps us in a prison
    • When we identify ourselves to the title, the money and other things, we think that these are the reasons why people love us
    • When we let go of that identity that we think we should have, we realize that those aren’t the reasons why we are loved
    • People love us not because of what we have
  • The cure to trick the ego is to surrender
  • When we stop making choices out of fear, we get connected with our true inspiration
    • “You can’t hate yourself for having a life that you love”
  • We stay upset because we think that being upset is productive
    • The most productive thing in the world is to live from your inspirations
  • We have to deprogram fear
    • 99% of the fear that we have isn’t actually happening
  • There are people who are in dire survival situations where vigilance and fear is appropriate
    • However, the listeners don’t live in those kinds of circumstances
  • Trusting the body and trusting life
    • Giovanna doesn’t trust her body to do what it is supposed to do to get healthy
    • Giovanna’s has had back issues for a year now
  • We are under the illusion that we can control things
    • It is pointless to try to be in control
    • We constantly just have to surrender
    • Trust that you’re alive and the forces are working within your favor
    • The more we resist, the more we’re giving away our power to circumstances
    • We resist reality when we shouldn’t
  • When we accept what is, it opens up space for creativity to come in
  • Brandilyn would write to herself
  • Why this is happening to me instead of why this is happening for me
  • The little shift that happens doesn’t have to have a reason
    • “You don’t have to know why”
    • Trust that you’re in a place because you are supposed to be there
  • The privilege gift is when we hang onto struggle and hardships as a weird form of empathy
  • Victim consciousness is when you become a victim of what’s happening to you
  • We would sometimes feel guilty when things aren’t going well with our family
    • We think that insecurities, doubts and complaints are ways to connect with people
  • We shift our focus to others
    • The paradox of caring for others is caring for ourselves
  • When we hyper obsess with our own imperfections, we’re transmitting that and it isn’t helping
    • You have to be real with your feelings
  • Brandilyn has “the word vomit” exercise where people can complain
    • We just need to let out our complaints
  • Giovanna likes that Brandilyn asks permission from the person she wants to complain to
    • You should be responsible for the energy you bring into the room
  • Have fun with complaining and let the other person let it out to if he wants to
  • The spiritual bypass
    • There are ways of complaining and venting in a healthy way
    • We can let perfectionism run through everything
  • Brandilyn was doing a campaign
    • Brandilyn used to have rashes on her head whenever she was stressed in the corporate world
    • Brandilyn’s head suddenly got itchy and she knew there was something that she needed to let out
    • Brandilyn actually had lice
  • Giovanna has also done a spiritual bypass
    • Part of the reality is our physical body
  • We sometimes just take ourselves too seriously
  • “You don’t need to just sit there and accept everything”
  • Give yourself the freedom to choose
  • We don’t need to be justified in following our heart
  • Visit Brandilyn’s website
  • Check out She Rises website!

3 Key Points:

  1. Find your “should”; your validation or love should not come from what you do or offer to others.
  2. Complaining and venting out can be done in a healthy way – asking one’s permission first to vent is a great way to respect that person.
  3. You have the freedom to choose; you don’t need to justify following your heart.

 

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